This morning's conversation in the bathroom is usually how it goes down:
Wife: "Honey, I need you to be home by six tonight to watch the kids. I have a Junior Auxiliary meeting."
Husband (me): "Okay."
Wife: "Okay, but you have to be home no later than six."
Husband (me again): "Okay."
It's that simple. The man never has a chance. What is he going to say, "No"?!
These "meetings" happen regularly. Usually at least monthly, and at different times of the year, such as the onset of "Charity Ball" or whatever they're calling their fancy beer party now, they can happen weekly. On these nights, I'm home, alone with the rugrats, left to my own devices.
Somehow, beer with the guys doesn't get the same pass as Junior Auxiliary. Here's how the football and beer conversation goes:
Same bathroom. Same house. Same husband. Same wife.
Husband: "The Giants and the Packers are playing tonight."
Wife: "Uuugh! I'm so sick of football!"
Husband: "It's my two favorite teams. Eli v. Favre. They're playing tonight. Winner goes to the playoffs. Biggest game ever. Some of the guys are getting together to watch the game."
Wife: "So you're just going to leave me here home alone with the kids?! When are you going to make time for us? We never spend time together. All you care about is football."
Husband: "Okay, fine. I won't go."
Wife: "No. Go watch your precious football game. I'll stay here with the kids. I'll show them pictures of you so they know what you looked like as a young father."
Husband: "No, I'll stay."
Wife: "No. Go. I don't want you here."
Husband: "Okay. Fine. I'll go."
Wife: "You're really going to go?!?!"
You get the idea. Football and beer don't get the same cred as Junior Auxiliary.
I need a football charity. Maybe I can start a club that benefits kids that raises money by selling beer and "meeting" in front of an 80-inch High Def television with NFL Sunday Ticket. She couldn't say no to that, could she?
