Brandon Bound

There is a ready-made law office in that UHaul.

Bye Bye Cows

My cowboy days are over. Thanks to the McNairy County Mayor I'm now
out of the cow business. And not a moment too soon!

Soccer Snack

Breaking News: We're Moving

It's actually old news, and purposefully so. Blogging Rule 101: Don't share big news with friends and family via the internet. A few examples of news not to share over the blog: Divorce, Disease, Deaths, Bankruptcy, and yes, Moving. So, the last few weeks have been spent telling friends and colleagues that I've accepted a position with Adams & Edens, P.A., in Brandon, Mississippi. Now that the world knows, I can blog. 

First, I am super-pumped about working at Adams & Edens. The firm consists of an exciting group of lawyers with some great clients. It's an honor to get the position, and I can't wait to start.

Second, it's going to be fun to be back in Jackson, my hometown. I last lived there in 1994, the year I graduated high school. I've been there many times since, but always as a visitor and a guest in someone's house. I'm very much looking forward to being back in my home church, near my family and some dear friends. It's going to be fun. Oh yeah, and after six years of living in "the country" it's going to be great to live a two minute drive from the conveniences of Wal-Mart, Walgreen's and Chick-fil-et. Whoohoo!

These are definitely exciting times. But this world is not perfect. A lawyer for whom I have no fondness frequently says in court, usually as a veiled threat, that, "For every action, there is an opposite and equally strong reaction." As excited as we are about this move, Anita Beth and I are equally saddened by the distance that is about to be created between us and many truly beloved friends. We're going to miss our lives in Corinth. 

But we take comfort in the fact that Corinth is only a sub-four hour drive to Jackson. In December, I ran a marathon in 3:57. If I can run without stopping for the same amount of time that it takes to make the drive from the Capitol City to the Cross City, it seems to reason that the distance shouldn't be a barrier to many good visits with forever friends. I'm already looking forward to beers at the Man Club, dinners at Pizza Grocery, and worshipping at Trinity Pres. 

Y'all come see us, you hear. 

Gracie's Cut

We're Moving Where?!

Ernie and Spike shortly after learning they are about to be city dogs.

Addie's Hair

After a self-inflicted cut last night, Addie got a shonuff cut this
morning. Here's the view from the back.

The Wife

Hard at work. Finally got her trained.

Family Monument

Fun at Shiloh

She Owns Me

It comes as no surprise to my friends and others who know me that I'm whipped. The wife has had me wrapped around her finger for years. Just when I may have thought I couldn't be any more whipped, last Thursday night Anita Beth graduated from ring master to slave master. Here's how it happened:

The plague overtook the state of Mississippi and Tennessee in March. Not the flu. Not a cold. The good old fashioned intestinal-wrenching, barfing, puking, bow to the toilet and wish you were dead plague, i.e., the stomach bug. Thursday, the 11-month-old was puking. I had to pick her up from nursery school early and deliver her to the wife at the beauty shop (further evidence of whippedness). 

Thurday night, when I arrived home from work, the wife mentioned she was worried she was getting sick. Said she didn't feel right. I didn't have much sympathy as I bathed, chased, brushed, and dressed kids. Frankly, I've developed a somewhat large chip on the shoulder about childcare duties the last few months. As loyal Jake University readers will recall, from mid December until early March, the wife has been on the couch with a broken leg. It's been pretty much a one-man show around here. Okay, one man and a Granny. At any rate, I was tired. So, my self-pity drowned out AB's one or two comments about her stomach bothering her. 

After the last two kids were in bed and I had made the baby's bottle, walked the dog and finally settled into my recliner to catch up on some 24, AB asked me to go put the baby to bed. That was it. I'd had it. I mouthed off. I told her I was sick of the distribution of child-care responsibility. I work all day and come home and work all night. Didn't she know that! She needs to get off the couch and do something! All of which I said emphatically as I trudged up the stairs with little Audrey to do as I was told while AB lay silently on the couch. 

When I came back downstairs we went into stealth fighter mode. That's when we don't look at each other and watch TV and hope not to acknowledge the existence of one another for as long as possible. Usually, with AB, that's about 19 minutes. I strategically leaned my head against my left hand, thereby blocking her from my peripheral view as I sulked and watched Jack Bauer beat the crap out of people. I knew she was mad, too. She wasn't talking. By my count I had about 17 minutes left before she tore into me about how difficult it is being home with the kids all day and how I needed to pull my weight and how it didn't hurt me to be a parent, too. I steeled myself, thinking how Jack Bauer would never have to put up with that. 

Then, I noticed a shadow rise above my left hand. She arose from the couch and passed by me toward the bedroom. 

I thought I might have really pushed her over the edge. She was going to give up the last 20 minutes of 24 she was so mad. This was going to be a bad night. I tried to pretend I didn't notice and kept my eyes glued on the television. I couldn't show fear.

A moment later I heard the distinct sound of wretching coming from behind me. I looked around and there she was...sick. Driving the big white bus. Suddenly, all those feelings of tension were instantly replaced by racked guilt. I knew it was over.

I walked into the bathroom and without saying a word, handed her a couple cold wet rags. After a moment of being there with her silently doing the "in sickness and in health" thing, I finally spoke.

"You know," I told her, "you own me now."

"I do own you," she replied.

Just as she turned to wretch another round, she blurted out the words, "This better make the blog!"

Fancy Nancy

We took Granny out to dinner to celebrate her birthday and thank her
for all her help the last few years. She's a good one. It was also
Gracie's first "fancy" dinner. Check out the pearls. She did great.
She especially enjoyed her first Shirley Temple.

The Nephew

Garner is my nephew. This morning he dressed all by his self and rode
a bike without training wheels. Now we're eating breakfast. He's
pretty awesome.

Wisdom on the Marquis

BRITNEY

And so it begins...

My Life as a Male Model

That will be the title of my memoir. My career begins in a few minutes. Stay tuned for updates. Lifetime movie to come.

UPDATE: Well, my first photo-shoot is over. I think it went well. The photographer was in awe. Whether she was in awe of my good looks or the fact that Brett Garrett asked someone with crooked ears and a droopy eye to model his Prada eye glasses I can't be sure, but she was definitely in awe. 

We did the shoot on the steps of the Alcorn County Courthouse. There was no make-up trailer and no caterer. I was caught unprepared by their unpreparedness, so I may look a little thirsty in some of the pictures. 

I was also slightly disconcerted by the passersbye that would walk by shaking their heads. They must have thought the photographer and Brett looked funny.

In one of the pictures, Sue asked me to hold my mouth slightly open. Not an easy thing for me to do. Sound simple? You try it. I'm going to practice this more tonight in front of my bathroom mirror.

I asked Sue to email me one of the more choice pictures. I hope to post it soon. Stay tuned.

Oh yeah, according to Brett, I'm going to be on the billboard at the corner of Proper Street and Harper Road. Try not to have an accident when you're driving south on Harper and you strain your neck to catch a glimpse of me....or, more likely, or from closing your eyes so you don't have to look at me. 

Either way, buckle up.

UPDATE 2: Just heard from my agent. Apparently, the only way Lifetime will produce the movie version of My Life as a Male Model is if I have a tragic accident and burn my face or if I am assaulted by a raging model stalker. Neither sound very appealing to me so I'm going to put the movie on hold for now. Sorry. I know this may disappoint some of you, but I do need to look out for No. 1 (that's me).

Ketchup With Her Fries

Gracie and I enjoyed our post-soccer practice date at Burger King. She tried to convince me to eat the tomato that came with my burger to no avail, but it was funny listening to her repeat to me all the motivating eat-it lines I've fed her the last three years.

Snow Day Sunday

We got snowed out of church this morning, but man, what a good time! Not only did we get a new family photo, but AB and I had a good snowball fight with Gracie, built a snowman (albeit a small one), and made snow angels. 

Addie and Audrey stayed outside just long enough for the family pic. We dragged Granny through the snow in her robe and slippers to take the shots, so kudos to her for being a good sport in the 20-degree temps. Enjoy the pics.

03-01-09

Cake Anxiety

Gracie and Ty could hardly stand it as they waited for the birthday
song.

Popsicle Saturday

You would think it's too cold, but no. Not at our house.