Some of Ligon's wise suggestions included putting the family and yourself to bed early on Saturday night so that you can awaken early and be fresh for Sunday morning; Listen to Hymns or other Christian music on Sunday morning as you prepare for church; Talk with your family about God and pray that God will be present and send his Holy Spirit into your place of worship on Sunday morning; Ride to church reverently and quietly so that your hearts are prepared for worship. These are wonderful tips that I would implore all readers to use in getting their familes to Sunday morning worship. In addition to Ligon's tips, I thought I'd add a few of my own, from the perspective of a Husband and father of three:
1. DO NOT drink four to six beers and then stay up until 1 a.m. Sunday morning watching Saturday Night Live, old Seinfelds and Law & Order reruns. At 7 a.m. you will have a difficult time hearing the alarm, unless you forgot to set it, in which case you won't hear it at all.
2. DO NOT forget to set your alarm. This will lead to waking up at 8 a.m. for a 9:30 service. When you live 30 minutes away from church, this simply isn't enough time. Your spouse will need an hour and ten minutes to get her and the three children ready enough to get in the car, but that pace won't be pleasant. If you can, get everbody up with an hour and thirty minutes to spare.
3. DO NOT try to motivate your spouse to get out of bed by acting as though you are angry that they have not gotten out of bed. This NEVER works. In fact, it usually backfires in ways that only slow the process down. Remember this: A cranky spouse is not a quickly dressed spouse. It's best to just bring the coffee to her side of the bed and hope she wakes up in time to do the kids' hair, because, chances are, you can't do hair.
4. DO NOT tell your spouse she needs to get in the shower at a certain time. Your spouse believes as firmly as she believes in her intelligence that she can dress herself and three little girls in 27 minutes. Do not tell your spouse that her belief that she can dress herself and everybody else in 27 minutes is completely absurd. This only agitates your spouse and she will probably try to prove you wrong by giving herself 23 minutes to dress herself and everybody else.
5. DO NOT put a sweater or a jacket on until you get to church. At the pace you'll be jumping after you forgot to set your alarm with a spouse who thinks she's Wonder Woman, you'll be sweating like a pig in a turtleneck by the time you finally get the family in the car. Your body will not regulate itself back to it's regular sweat-free temperature until about the time you pull into the church parking lot, unless you fail to follow tips 8, 9, and 10, in which case you will not need a sweater or a jacket at all. The van will be plenty hot.
6. DO NOT tell your spouse to hurry up over and over again. While this may seem helpful, or maybe even encouraging, it's not. It only agitates your spouse and could lead to a heated exchange that deeply cuts into the 23 minutes your spouse has alotted for dressing and prepping.
7. DO NOT sit down and watch Sports Center during your spouse's 23-minute sprint, especially if you just had the heated exchange you should have avoided in tip No. 6. This could push your spouse over the edge and force you into an untenable position, such as trying to braid your three-year-old's hair. Remember, you can't do hair.
8. DO NOT tell your spouse to just stick with the first outfit she tried on. It doesn't work and doesn't help. Instead, try busying yourself with other necessary tasks like packing the baby's bag, or stopping your two-year-old from feeding inedible toys to your 9-month-old.
9. DO NOT prepare yourself a go-cup of coffee and not prepare one for your spouse. Following this tip could be the first step toward badly needed reconcilation on the way to Church after your failure to follow steps one through eight.
10. When all three kids are finally buckled up and your sweating in your car headed toward church, DO NOT tell your spouse that next week she needs to wake up earlier, especially if you are about to spend 30 minutes confined to the same vehicle. You would be safer in a tiger cage.
11. If somehow you have survived and you and the family are actually having a peaceful Sunday morning drive to church, do not kill the whole morning by huffing loudly when your spouse says she wants to spend time with you after church, even if your favorite NFL teams are playing each other that afternoon. The consequences to an ill-advised huff can be equal to failing to follow tips one through ten. Continue to breathe through your nose. Chances are she doesn't even mean it - she's just testing you because she can't believe you didn't completely butcher tips one through ten.
12. Finally, DO NOT, say anything, AT ALL, about your spouse's Mother, the cleanliness of the house, or the football games you plan to watch that afternoon, while on your way to church. If you fail to follow this tip after failing to heed tips one through ten, just pull into the nearest church and get out. It doesn't matter that it's not your church. Start pulling the kids from the car and saying in a loud voice you're there to visit this Sunday. This will surprise your spouse and buy you an hour or two to form an escape plan.
If you mess up and break one of these bright-line rules, do not panic. Keep yourself, your family and the car headed toward church. Remember, it's not how you get to church, it's just the fact that you got to church at all. There's nothing like hearing the Gospel - how God, while we were still sinners, sent his only Son to die on the cross and take the punishment we deserve, to help your spouse forgive you for failing to follow any of this advice. Get there.
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