1. If really want to leave at a certain time, tell everybody else (including your spouse) a time two hours earlier than the time you actually want to leave. There's simply no way to plan in all the contingencies that accompany having three kids. For example, yesterday, when I came home from a half-day at the office expecting everybody to be relatively close to packed, I instead found a haggard Anita Beth leaning over the living room floor with Spike in one hand, picking up the thousands of Pixo beads that Addie had dumped on the floor. Thank you Santa. This test of dexterity and patience puts everyone in a foul mood. You try picking up a thousand bee-bee sized Pixo beads under time pressure. Picking up one thousand Pixos adds approximately 30 minutes to packing time.
2. If your Mother-in-Law calls and asks why you have not left the house yet, DO NOT, under any circumstances, tell her in a voice loud enough for your spouse to hear, that you haven't left because "Anita Beth (insert your spouse's name here) hasn't got everybody packed yet." This only adds to the foul mood created by picking up the Pixo beads and may lead to the cancellation of your trip. Avoid this statement. If you do accidently allow a statement like this to spring forth from your mouth, do not, I repeat DO NOT, try to validate the statement or yourself by asking your spouse who may or may not have a broken hip, what she was doing all morning. This statement is stupid, serves no good purpose and will have certain disastrous consequences. These statements add approximately 45 minutes to packing time.
3. Pack the night before. I know what you're thinking, "Duh, I could have told you that." But when you go out and have a few beers for a New Year's Eve Eve celebration (because nobody could find babysitters for the actual New Year's Eve) you're tired when you get home. And you think you'll have all morning the next day to get everybody packed the next day. Don't fall for this. Pack the night before.
4. Do not allow your puppy to eat a bunch of food just before you pack and then try to pack without watching him. Chances are the puppy will lay a large, loose deposit on the shag carpet in your bedroom. If you do accidentally allow the puppy to make said deposit on the shag carpet, do not, I repeat, DO NOT try to immediately pick up the poop with toilet paper. While this may be a good idea or a wood floor or regular carpet, it spells certain doom for shag carpet. Let the poop harden, then pick it up. Otherwise you will find yourself dumping gallons of water on the pooped upon shag carpet and using up four to five rags getting all poop remnants out of the shag carpet. This adds approximately 30 minutes to packing time.
5. Do not provide your children with desktop coloring tablets in their car seats. While this sounds like a good idea, it only leads to tears and heart ache. Stick to DVD's and loud threats. Colors don't work. This does not add any time to the car trip, but does bring back the foul mood that had only recently subsided following tips 1, 2, 3 and 4.
6. Have fun.
Gotta go. Everbody's crying.
No comments:
Post a Comment